I have four beautiful nieces of varying ages. I dropped by for a visit today and the second oldest presented me with two “books” that she and her older sister had written. The seven-year-old’s book was called “Lulu”. The nine-year-old wrote a book called “Sam”. Both books chronicled the misadventures of a hopeless, dufus named Sam as he attempted to woo the beautiful, smart, and uninterested Lulu.
In “Sam”, life for the title character seems to be going well. Although he pines for the emotionally unavailable Lulu, he has a successful career, he wears a crown (for reasons unknown), and he suddenly is awarded a large sum of cash. When he rushes to share the news of his good fortune with fair Lulu, she stiff-arms him—giving him a bloody nose. The tale ends with her buying Sam an ice cream cone, but Lulu informs him that’s as far as it will go.
I found “Lulu” to be the more disturbing of the two books. This story begins with Sam preening himself for a big date with lovely Lulu. Apparently, Sam and Lulu are dating, but it is nothing official. Sam’s spirits are high and he sings to himself as he plucks his nose hair and brushes his teeth—all while still wearing his crown (???).
The story comes to its gut-wrenching conclusion when Lulu sits Sam down and explains that she feels like Sam is smothering her. Lulu then tells Sam that she needs time to figure stuff out and that she may not be able to see him again.
Not to be outdone, the four-year-old niece shows me a picture she drew… of the crown-wearing Sam with his chest split open and heart removed in a bloody mess. As I stood, mouth agape, trying to absorb all of this… the two-year-old runs across the room and punches me in the balls. What the eff!? Is every woman on this planet involved in the conspiracy against me?
As I limped to the door, the seven-year-old asked me what I thought of the stories. I told her that
they were good, but that I didn’t like Lulu very much. Confused, she asked me, “Why?”
“Well, Sam really seemed to like her and he did a lot of nice things for her, but Lulu always treated him badly.”
“Uncle…” she replied, “Nobody likes the good guys.”