RALJON, Md. (FMH) – Decimated by misery, misfortune, and grief, the Buffalo Bills entered FedEx Field on a mission. After losing tight end Kevin Everett to a cervical spine fracture in the first game of the season, the Bills have struggled with only 5 wins and 6 losses. Add to that the tragic news of the murder of Redskins free safety Sean Taylor, and it has almost become too much for any professional football team to bear. But, when the dust cleared, after the game, the Bills pulled out a win in the waning moments, improving their record to 6 and 6. Said Buffalo fan John Snorkleton, “It’s what Sean would have wanted.”
With a black, number 21 pin affixed to his Jason Webster jersey, Snorkleton franticly waved his number 21 rally towel through the fourth quarter… personally willing many of kicker Rian Lindell’s five field goal attempts between the goal posts. “We have as much right to invoke the spirit of Taylor to intercede on our behalf as anyone. He was a member of the National Football League. He was a human. He… had two arms.”
To honour the fallen safety, Buffalo won the game without the aid of a touchdown, adding a safety to their five field goals. “A safety! I mean, seriously… does anyone even score safeties anymore?” Snorkleton shouted while spilling beer on a visibly dejected Redskin fan, “If that wasn’t a shout-out to Sean, I don’t know what is.”
Much maligned for his play calling and time management skills during his second go-round as head coach for Washington, Joe Gibbs called back to back timeouts in a failed attempt to put Lindell’s kicking leg into a super-duper freeze. His latest coaching blunder incurred an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, which shortened Lindell’s 51 yard attempt to a game winning 36 yard kick.
“I think this win has restored my faith in humanity. Yeah, sure… it sucks for the Redskins, but look at it this way: It could be worse.” Realizing his poorly worded faux-pas, Snorkleton slumped down in his bleacher seat and quietly apologized to a six year old, teary-eyed Redskin fan.