Training Day

It was hot and humid, as most summers are in the DC. And as was routine on those miserable, sticky afternoons, one of our first stops was a local carry-out for giant Styrofoam cups of iced-cold sweetened tea. My training officer was friends with the owner.

The owner was a good natured, Korean guy named Dave. Dave always seemed to anticipate our arrival and would be scooping ice into the cups as we entered. As we entered, the broken Korean banter would kick off immediately.

I had progressed along well with my field training and while pulling onto the scene of our first assignment, my training officer asked if I thought I could handle the next report on my own. I answered that I could… which was the only acceptable answer for a probationary officer who was hoping to get certified to patrol alone before the turn of the century. My training officer gave me a few last reminders and then sent me up to handle the call on my own, while he waited back in the car.

Most houses in that neighborhood did not have air-conditioning. This house was no different. As I stood in the living room with sweat pouring from my brow, collecting what seemed to be volumes of information, my thoughts drifted to the cool interior of the scoutcar and the frosty-cold tea which I had scarcely had a chance to taste.

Upon returning to the car, I immediately grabbed my giant Styrofoam cup of instant refreshment. Despite whatever despair, pain, and turmoil existed in the world, all would be made right with just one sip of that magical elixir.

“Sluu-uu-u-u-urp!”

“That’s odd,” I thought, “There doesn’t seem to be anything there.” But, the cup was heavy. I shook it a bit. The tea called back to me as it danced about with the ice.

“Hmmm… My straw must be in a bad spot.”

I glanced over toward my training officer. As my gaze hit him, he quickly looked away, pretending not to notice the difficulty I was experiencing with my drink.

As I adjusted the straw—bloink—it disappeared into the lid of my cup. I shot a suspicious glare at my training officer. He looked back at me, over his glasses. “You having problems over there?”

“No… no. Everything’s under control.”

I lifted open the lid to reveal the straw floating on my iced-tea. My straw… which was now only three inches in length.

In my peripheral I could see that my training officer could hardly contain his stifled laughter. I plucked the straw from the cup and held it up, as if I was inspecting its miniscule remains.

“I think Dave gave me a defective straw.”

Comments

[Deadpan]

I'm not expert and I certainly don't have the blog post memory retention that you do, but I think you've told this story before. Is this a "Best Of" style post?

[Igmar Fillipé]

I haven't posted this story before, but you and your wife have heard it. I told you the story when you lived in DelRay. The funny part is that even then, you said that you've heard me tell the story before.

[Mel]

hehehe..

I used to pull pranks like that on my training staff.
Not to say I wouldn't do it again if given the chance. You know...

Best one was years ago when I made this guy go to a restaurant across the street for dry ice because our stock was low.
We all cracked up watching him slump back across the parking lot when he discovered... none of us use dry ice. hehe.

[random girl]

silly boys. My honey loves jokes like that. You know what will get him back? Vinegar in water. Take a water bottle and add vinegar to it. No smell only icky taste! get him back.