Pedophiles on a Mutha-Fuckin’ Plane

I’ve got to admit that compared to most people, I probably don’t know too much about the JonBenet Ramsey case. Most of what I have picked-up was gained when I would Tom Glancy the tabloid headlines in checkout lines. That being said, I have had no trouble coming to a conclusion about whether this Ed Grimley look-alike was responsible.

To be sure, I do think he is a perverted, sicko pedophile. From what I understand, he skipped town before serving time for a kiddie-porn charge. I’m betting that in the coming weeks, children around the world will slowly start coming forward to report that he had sexually assaulted them. But, did he kill JonBenet?

There is no way in hell that he is the killer. I can’t envision this loser fighting his way out of a wet paper bag. That’s it. That’s all I need. I don’t need hear how he lived clear across the country at the time of the killing. I don’t need to hear from skeptical handwriting experts. I don’t need to hear about apparent inconsistencies between his confession and the evidence. He’s lying. The Prosecutor is reaching. And, the Ramsey’s were just happy that someone else was on the police radar as a possible suspect.

“Why confess?” you ask. He’s an attention seeker. He’s looking for the notoriety that comes with being an infamous killer: the book deals, movies, and a “ripped from the headlines” Law and Order episode. I‘ve already got a scene worked out…

The camera starts at one end of the plane and begins to dolly-pan down the rows. Finally, the camera settles on Macaulay Culkin, who is playing Karr. He is being escorted back to the United States by a “U.S. official”… Samuel L. Jackson! The camera lingers as we watch them both stuff their mouths with shrimp. With his mouth full, Macaulay speaks.

“This is great. Say… you don’t think we could make a stop in New York? I’ve always wanted to see a Broadway show.”

“Absofuckinlutely. Just give me a second knock-out the pilot and get Fat Albert to turn the plane around.”

Then the two lift their champagne glasses and clink them together.

“To us! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha…”

The laughing continues as the picture fades to black.

Comments

[the weirdgirl]

This pretty much sums up my thoughts about Karr's guilt. There's something wrong with his eyes. A little too dreamy and satisfied.

Macauly Caulkin, that's perfect!

[Dawn (webmiztris)]

I don't think there's a chance in hell he did it either, but you're right, I bet JonBenet's dad is just thanking God right now that SOMEONE is taking the blame.

[Leah]

I seriously need to watch more television. Then perhaps I'd know what the hell is going on in popular culture. I did hear [on NPR] that this guy got caught, but no mention that he had dreamy eyes and might not be the killer. Darn it! I feel so left out. Now you're going to make me google a video of this guy...just what I didn't want to do this morning...

I also heard a bit about a plane crash yesterday in KY. Are you going to drop any more bombshells on me? Or tell me the ending to "The Crying Game"? Sheesh Igmar!

[Crys]

you know though, i just cannot beLIEVE that the DA would be so incompetent so as to bring this media shitstorm upon her head, only to ultimately find that this weirdo is playing her. it's just so...AMATEURISH. which of course should not surprise us after Boulder botched the case and evidence to the extent they did---but still. come ON.

i just keep hoping she has SOMETHING we don't know about.